The Fault in Our Starbucks
'The Fault in Our Starbucks '''is an episode of The Super Wario Bros. Wah-wah Show! season fourteen. Summary When Wario and Waluigi get caught messing with the Koopa Mafia (as usual) and lose their job, they try to find new ones. However, that doesn't work, so Wario and Waluigi get a fresh start by embracing the "white girl" lifestyle*, where they earn lots of money as part of a "supposed" professional family. That doesn't last for long, though... Transcript Scene 1 Wario and Waluigi are eating at a retro-slushie place in a local shopping center. They are shown slurping the drinks in an all-you-can-eat meal. Wario: Next slushie! Server: OK then. Waluigi: You know, Wario, ever tried making peace with the Koopa Mafia? We're just stupid gangs anyway. Wario: NOT EVEN ONCE! You already know the deal, our wars keep on starting over. Waluigi: Ohhhhhh. Server: Here's your Raspberry Lime slushie, Wario! Wario: Thank you. Wario (slurping slushie): Man, I'm getting full. Shall we leave already? Waluigi: Of course. You know I already finished, so let's get outta here. Wario: Let's do it! Wario pays the bill, while Waluigi gets their stuff ready. Scene 2 All of a sudden, the Koopa Mafia show up, with Mario going up to the Wario brothers to steal their bills and Luigi stealing the rest of their things. Wario: D'OH! I MISSED! Waluigi: ME TOO! Wario turns his head around to check for what happened. They notice the Koopa Mafia. Goomba: How dare you go slushie eating! You should have stuck to your potato chip cave. Wario: We did nothing wrong! Goomba: Yes, you did! Wario (whispering to Waluigi): Waluigi, teach them a lesson better, while I scramble for any coins below. Waluigi (whispering to Wario): Gotcha. Waluigi: Hey there... YOU WERE DOING IT WRONG! Mario: You came to test us here, while we were about to peacefully eat. You should have stayed home, because ENEMIES AREN'T COMPANY! Waluigi: Okay then. At least, can you give our money back so we can pay for this? Wario can deal with the servers. Mario: Fine, but scram. We don't want your nasty faces in here. Mario hands Waluigi the money, while Luigi hands the stuff to Wario. Waluigi: Thank you. At least we're not enemies here. The Koopa Mafia give the Wario Bros. a dirty look, though as they leave. Scene 3 Wario and Waluigi walk home after the slushie shop incident. Wario: Man, this was a rough 5 minutes or so. Waluigi: But we couldn't stop this... Wario: Yeah. Just gotta deal with it. Waluigi: Oh, look. Your coins are dropping. Wario: Lemme pick them up. Wario picks his coins up, while Waluigi trudges to their house right down the street. Waluigi (unlocking door): Wario, I'll wait for you. Wario (speaking to Waluigi from far away): Okay! Wario then catches up to Waluigi. Scene 4 The Wario brothers have settled down on the couches, each watching The Mario Show on TV. Meanwhile... Phone: You have one new message. Press "Yes" to listen, or press "No" to save for later. Waluigi: Ooh, a message! I'll be back. Waluigi goes to the phone and presses "Yes". Boss (on phone message): Wario Wario and Waluigi Wario, we would like to inform you that due to a near-criminal argument in public, you have been fired from your job. Any complaints, please call us at FREIGHT-584. Thanks, and try not to do this again. Waluigi: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO! Wario: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EVEN MORE! Waluigi: How could this get us fired? Wario: I don't even know. Try complaining to them over their number, though. Waluigi: Good idea. Waluigi dials FREIGHT-584 to start a conversation with the company. FREIGHT-584 line: Dear customer, you have been informed that you have been blacklisted from this phone number through a tip from a local security officer. Thank you, and have a nice day. Waluigi: NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO AGAIN! Also, how could they have even wished me a NICE DAY???!!! (facepalms) Wario: Yeah, NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO ONCE MORE! Waluigi (coming back to couch): Well, we must do something then. Wario: Hmm... How about a new job? Waluigi: LET'S DO IT! Wario: Waluigi... What sort of job, though? Waluigi: Wario, you know, I've always wanted to work at Target, it's a huge and cool store... Wario: Sounds cool. I wanna work in there, it feels like paradise literally. Waluigi: Alright. Lemme get the laptop so we can sign up. Waluigi goes to the office, and takes the laptop to the living room. He then logs onto target.com and goes to the "Job Signup" page. Waluigi: Who goes first? Wario: Let's just use our dice here to figure out. If I get 1-3, I go first, 4-6, you. Wario rolls the dice and gets a 5. Waluigi goes first. Wario: OK. Waluigi signs up, however he gets an error that his IP is blocked from signing up for a job at Target. Waluigi and Wario: WHAT THE FISH????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wario: Welp, I guess we're delinquents. Let's go to the police station to figure this out. Waluigi: Nah, we'll get arrested for nothing. I've got an idea, though... Wario: What is it? Waluigi: Ever heard of these news stories where celebrities get hours of community service after they do bad things? Well, we can do it right here in our neighborhood. Wario: Sure. Let's go. Scene 5 Wario and Waluigi head to their community's clubhouse to inquire about community jobs. HOA guy: Hello there. Do you need anything? Wario: I'd like to work for you, taking care of the neighborhood. HOA guy: I'm sorry, but due to a local police tip, you are denied this job. Wario and Waluigi (walking away): WHYYYYY???!!! HOA guy: Quiet there! Scene 6 At home... Waluigi: Boy, I'm sure tired of being denied a job just because of a stupid fight. We've got to get a job, and PRONTO! Wario: Sheesh. You know, we're basically criminals. Waluigi: Oh, yeah. I've got another idea, though... Wario: Again, what is it? Waluigi: If everyone's denying us a job, what if ''we ''were the ones with our ''own ''job? Like, we can make music, develop a hit indie game, or write a novel. Wario: Seems good. But, we need the skill to do any of these. And we can't pay for any tuition on that because we can't have a job. Waluigi: I gotcha. Now that I remember, I remember taking a class on writing children's books back in high school. Wario: Lucky you. We should have thought about this way back when we got that voice message. So, shall you make one? Waluigi: Again, I gotcha. Lemme write my book on the novel, while you find how we can get this up and running. 3 hours later... Scene 7 Waluigi: Wario, I'm finally done with my book. Wanna read it. Oh, and have you done something? Wario: Found a publisher. Now lemme see where can I send it in, and hopefully we can get an illustrator with us. Also, I'll see it. Waluigi: Good. Let's wait, while we read our very own [[Horse Spring|''Horse Spring]], the first children's book by the Wario Brothers. After the book is finished, Wario emails the story to Green Publishing Co. to get it published. The next day... Scene 8 Waluigi (just woken up): Time to read the emails. I hope my book has officially become a big hit! Waluigi logs onto his Gmail account and reads the latest emails. He spots one labeled "Dear Waluigi Wario: Horse Spring Book and Publishing Review" and clicks on it. Email: Dear Waluigi Wario, Unfortunately, we here at Green Publishing Co. have been alerted that you have a recent criminal record, which disqualifies you from being with us in our exciting publishing world. Our reviewers have also negatively reviewed your book, stating that it has a lack of "major bookwriting elements" and "illustration for a children's book" for example. Thank you, and remember that you can always read our quality books. -Beth, Green Publishing Co. Waluigi: FFFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! WHY DID I GET TURNED DOWN FROM MY THIRD JOB???? WHY CAN'T I HAVE MONEY??!! All of a sudden, Wario wakes up with all the noise and runs downstairs to the office. Wario: Oh man... I knew there would be no hope. Wario and Waluigi: WAAH! Scene 9 Wario and Waluigi are watching The Charlie Show, when a mail truck pulls up and inserts the day's mail into the box. Wario: Waluigi, mind getting the mail? Waluigi: Sure. Hope they've sent an offer for a free job or some cash. Wario: Yeah, I agree. Waluigi: Also, why are "mind" and "don't mind" the opposite when they mean the same things sometimes? Wario: Hmmmm...... Waluigi goes outside and gets the mail. Scene 10 Waluigi: Hmm... Let's see what I've got. Waluigi opens the mailbox and gets his electric bill, his cable TV bill, his monthly loan bill, a request for money donation to his favorite website, an overdue library book note, and worst of all... a note from the police. Narrarator: Now normally, Waluigi would have yelled a loud scream that goes something like "NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!", but this time, Waluigi has decided to face the music. Scene 11 Waluigi: Sheesh. Look, bro... we're in trouble. Wario: Lemme see. Wario and Waluigi carefully file through the letters, with a disappointed look on their faces. Wario decides to pay the bills, to be in less trouble. When they get to the police note... Waluigi: QUICK! TO THE CAR! Wario: Yes! A paranoid Wario and Waluigi immediately get to the car in fear, desperate to solve the problem. Wario tries to start the engine as they depart. Scene 12 Wario: W-why is this key not fitting in? Waluigi: See, that's what happens when we're in a rush. Wario: Yeah, but-- Nevermind. I got it. Wario begins to drive off to the police station, but they had not kept track of their gas and nearly run out, when hear a 10-second beep in their car indicating that the gas will run out. Wario: OH NO! Waluigi: Yeah. Look, a gas station, though! Wario immediately swerves into a gas station beside the road, and turn off the engine for pumping at the last second. Scene 13 Wario and Waluigi: Phew! Waluigi: Wait... How are we gonna get the gas, though if you spent your money on the bills? Wario: Hmm... I don't know. Guess we can't own a car. Waluigi: Or maybe, we can ask somebody... Wario: Good idea. Waluigi jumps out of the car and asks the person in the SUV in front for money to pay for gas. Waluigi: Hello, could I have some money to pay for gas? I need to turn myself in to the police station for a-- Lady in SUV: No, thank you! This is rude, and you are a criminal. Waluigi: Wah! Lady in SUV: Don't you ever go looking for money again, mister. Waluigi gets back in the car. Waluigi: So, we can't find money. Wario: Aw man. But, I noticed some posterboard and markers in the trunk, from our last episode. Waluigi: Oh, wow! Gimme one. Wario: Sure. Here you go. Waluigi begins writing on his poster, but 1/4ths through writing the first word, his marker runs out. He tries his others, but they've ran out too. Waluigi: UUUUGHHHHH! WHY *banging poster* CAN'T *banging poster* ANYTHING *banging poster* EVER WORK???!!! Wario: Sheesh. Just calm down, bro. Waluigi: But really, nothing works. Wario: Yeah, yeah, I know. Waluigi collapses and lays down silently in the backseat. A few minutes later... Waluigi gets back up, and sits back in his seat. Wario is reading a magazine while they hold out for a hero. Waluigi notices a Starbucks in the shopping center they are in, and spots a sign. Waluigi: Look, Wario. FREE COFFEE! Wario: Where? Oh, FINALLY! Something free! Wario and Waluigi immediately get out of their car, and run through the gas station and the parking lot to go to the Starbucks. They enter the cafe. Scene 14 Server: Hello, welcome to Starbucks. May I take your order? Waluigi: What's the free coffee? Server: Just two regular ones. Waluigi: I'll take them! The Starbucks barista hands the two coffees to Wario and Waluigi. Wario and Waluigi: Thanks! The duo sits down at an empty table by the window. However, they realize that a college-age woman sits down with them as well. Scene 15 Wario (blushing): Mmm... hi! College-age girl: Hi. Waluigi: So... what's up? College-age girl: Nothing. Wario: Nice computer you got there, though. College-age girl: Thank you. Waluigi (whispering to Wario): Guess she must be rich! Wario (whispering to Waluigi): Yeah. Waluigi: How'd you get that? College-age girl: Well, my parents were born wealthy, so they basically got me into a great college. Then, I got into a well-paying job as a nurse-in-training. You know, I just got back from Whole Foods! Wario and Waluigi: Wooooooow. Waluigi: You know what? Wario: What? Waluigi: Let's see. We never went to coll--Oh my gosh. I just realized something. Wario: What? Waluigi: We can go ask Peach for money! She lives in the Mushroom Kingdom! It's basically a gold mine! Wario: Genius! But wait, he's Mario's girlfriend. She'll never help the enemy. Waluigi: Hey, it's worth a shot. Wario: Alrighty then. Now, how the fish do we get to her castle? Waluigi: I dunno. Wario grabs his iPhone 6 and looks up the directions to Peach's castle. He checks Street View and makes sure it's the right Peach's Castle. Wario: Okay. I looked it up and I'm 100% sure it's the right Peach's Castle. Waluigi: Last time, we ended up with peach-flavored desserts from a peach-themed amusemsnt park! Wario: I never knew how much I hated peaches until then. Anyways, let's get outta here. Scene 16 Wario: Okay, this is the place. Wario parks the car and walks into the castle with Waluigi. Waluigi: (rings the doorbell) You know, I saw a news story about Peach's castle on TV. Wario: What did it say? And since when do you watch the news? Waluigi: I always watch the news. And it said that she has a money room in her basement. Wario: Sweet. Peach: (answers the door) Hello, Wario and Waluigi. Waluigi: (faints) Wario: What the fish? Anyways, hi Peach. Can we get about... (grabs a calculator and starts slapping the buttons) 325,000 dollars? Peach: Sure, let me just go to my money room. Peach leaves, and Waluigi gains consciousness. Scene 17 5 minutes later Peach: Okay, here you go. (gives Wario the $325,000... in $1 bills) Wario: D'OHHHHHHHHH! (falls) Waluigi: You got a crane or something? Wario: Maybe we should bring the car closer so we could get the money into the car. Waluigi: You know what? Can you give us that in hundreds? Peach: Sure. Abracadabra. (turns the singles into hundreds) Waluigi: Thanks. Waluigi and Wario load the money into the trunk of their car. Wario: Man, we're so smart! Waluigi: Actually, considering it took us so long to figure this out, we're pretty darn stupid. Category:Randomness Category:Mario Category:Scripts Category:Wario Category:The Super Wario Bros. Wah-wah Show!